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A Peak into My Artistic Angst

So much for posting every day, for doing a daily composition. I am moving forward but being kind to myself when my progress is slow. When I wasn't working on my compositions because I was—once again—discouraged, I spent several hours loading my photos from my new camera into the classic version of Lightroom. I had been using the cloud version, was frustrated, and my husband had determined that the desktop version would suit both our purposes better.

So I had a chance to revisit my 500+ photos from our trip to Arches National Park over Christmas. I also applied the "auto" filter to many of the photos, and poof, like magic, the photos were taken from good to amazing. I have some really good photos in the bunch!

It got me to thinking, why aren't I satisfied with the photos as a means of artistic expression? Why do I want to paint from them? What can I not express by printing/sharing the photos that I want to express via painting? And furthermore, what do I want to express? And if I'm so desperate to express something, what is the best way to do that? I could write, which comes easily to me; poetry? I could quilt although I've never made that type of art quilt. And I could draw, paint, collage or some permutation of any or all of these. And even after thinking through all of that, to whom do I want/need to express this or anything for that matter? Herein lies my existential art existence/crisis.

Five days have passed from what was written above, and while journaling this morning, I feel like I have the beginnings of an answer for myself. (I did a little painting in those five days, which I'll post soon.)

The reason for me to paint is that it's my chosen way to express thoughts and feelings when I haven't been able to do so with easier-for-me modes of communication. This leads to two things: 1) I need to figure out my feelings and what I want to communicate, and then 2) I need to figure out the right media to best express what I want to say about my subject. Which frees me to play with whatever media I want, not forcing myself to pick only one to try to master. And it also frees me to consider myself an artist who works in various media. Yes, there's a watercolor show I really want to get into, but maybe forcing myself in that direction is keeping me from finding the best means of expressing myself. And that really is my goal.
Preliminary layout for part of a future lap quilt
birthday gift, backed in cozy red flannel. 

For example, I'm working on a quilt for my nephew right now, and what I want to express is "I love you, you deserve a quilt of your own to keep you warm and cozy, and this is a happy quilt in your favorite color." A red painting just wouldn't have the same impact for a 12-year old. But I'm happy to say, the quilt is on its way to being perfect. And maybe I could still consider myself an artist, one who just happens to be working in fabric right now. Interesting.

Assignments:
- Select 10 favorite photos from the Moab trip and make them into notecards.

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