Mean Critic Meets Scary Progress

I'm continuing to work on my value studies and bouncing all over the place, both with subject and with medium. I swear that one of these days I'll find my lane. There are things I like and dislike about oils, acrylic, and watercolor. There's not a perfect medium, but oils sure are easier for working on composition and value. 

As the year is coming to an end, I'm wrapping some things up and getting ready to launch other things. I went through my last three years of paintings (about 150) and categorized them as keep for myself, make available for gifts or purchase, or repurpose (at first I had labeled them trash, but that just seemed so mean, and I really can use the paper for other things). With the gift/sell category, I created a PowerPoint file with all available paintings, categorized by subject. Each was labeled and priced...a scary declaration on my part that my creativity is valuable. In the coming year, I will use this file to create a new website for my growing art practice.

I recently sent the PowerPoint file to a friend, offering her a painting as a birthday gift. It was a scary step in my artistic path! But we talked yesterday, and she is excited to choose something. And I was excited to hear that there was more than one painting that interested her. I look forward to a socially distant, masked meeting, where she can see the paintings in person and make a choice (after the new year, when the Covid cases are declining; thank you, scientists, for a vaccine).

Another thing I've been working on is to come to terms with how critical I am with my art, especially right when I've finished painting. My first reaction is always, this is CRAP. So for the new year, I've decided to embrace my mean inner critic in a new way. Before starting a new painting, I'm going to note the goal for the painting (such as, follow my value plan and use a limited palette). Then, when I'm done painting, I will announce to myself, "this is CRAP." Once I've given that mean inner critic a voice, then I'll be able to logically move on (maybe in a day or two) and look at the painting to see if I met the goal for that painting and what I want to do next. I've sort of been doing this informally, but I haven't acknowledged the critic, sat with it, accepted it, then MOVED ON. 

The irony, of course, is that my mean first voice is so inaccurate! And to bring this post full circle, one of the paintings my friend is considering is one that I had pushed aside as lame and forgotten about. It wasn't until I was cataloging my art that I came across it again and thought it was a really sweet painting, and that someone would smile having it hanging in their home. So what did my critic not like about it? It was too simple, it didn't have a background, it would never be appropriate for entry into a national show, and it wasn't profound. Now, almost a year and a half later, I can see the beauty in this painting. But more than that, I can see the beauty that was in me, at the time when I painted it, that I never acknowledged and never appreciated. It's sad, when I think about it, and it has really derailed my growth as an artist. I really, truly want to work on this inner critic. I want peace, for myself and for my creativity. It's time.